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After reading the Twilight saga (which I just barely did the first week of July) I have partially grouped myself with those girls (and women) who; ‘Edward Cullen has ruined men fo them.’ Now I’m not walking around writing quotes on my arms nor am I sporting Twilight wardrobe essentials (you know, those girls with Cullen crest necklaces, the shirts that say teams and the like). However, I do feel much more in touch with my girly, matrimonial side; you know the perfect man, flawless wedding, happily ever after and those sort of things. All of which are not normal thoughts that constantly flood my day dreams, as they do now.
[Now don't judge me for what I'm about to say 
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But why such the impact? After reading a 3-part fanfiction, I started to feel my romantic side start to protrude though my rough, sarcastic exterior. A simple story rundown; 2 characters (named Bella and Edward) who fall in love and just know they are meant to be together forever. As with any truly good romance I read, I tend to let my romantic mind wander more than normal. Granted with this story my “lovely” side is coming on a little stronger than normal. Why? Is it because I’m almost 20 and have never had my first love, or even my first kiss? Is it because I’m far too bored this summer and have too much time to daydream? Or is it because I’m secretly a closet hopeless romantic? Personally I think it’s an uneven combination of both. Yes I am not busy enough to say the least; resulting in too much free time. Is the lack of romance in my life finally taking its toll? Of course it is. I can’t help but think my “biological clock” is just ticking away. And finally, the closet hopeless romantic theory: the main culprit.
I do believe in love at first sight. I do believe everyone has at least one soul mate in this unbelievably gigantic world. I do think there is a prince charming awaiting his perfect entrance into my life. But it’s terribly and painfully hard to be a hopeless romantic when romance has never even attempted an entrance into my life; and no I am not exaggerating. Of course, anytime I bring this up I am directly told “you’re still so young… you have your whole life ahead of you… Yadda Yadda Yadda.” If I had it my way I’d live back at the beginning of the 20th century where men courted their one-and-only dream girl. Where men were gentlemen and they behaved as so.
For as independent as I am (mainly because I’ve never had anyone to depend on in the knight-in-shining armor sense) my dream life would have me meeting my soul mate in high school (or sooner) and growing older with them. Then as time passed us by he’d eventually propose and after a proper engagement we’d be wed as one in an utterly breath-taking ceremony. Possibly some various shades of pink for the color scheme and a classic cut dress, something flattering of course. Basically I want my life to be slightly like a Jane Austen novel, with a happy ending and a Mr. Darcy.
“Some day my prince will come…” and hopefully he comes sooner rather than later. Oh but to be Snow White, Aurora or Cinderella with their happily ever afters.
What do I want to do with my life? No doubt a question that every person asks at one point in their life; if not more than once. But just because everybody before me has asked that question does not mean it will make it any less easy to answer it for myself. There are a few options fluttering around in front of me and I can only wish that one will flutter too close and tangle in my hair so I know I would be stuck with it… But nothing is that easy. I love to write; however I don’t necessarily believe I’m a phenomenal writer. I want to master American Sign Language, as much as a non-deaf individual possibly can. I love the field of psychology but I’ve been told more than the majority of psych majors end up as counselors and I could not see myself happy doing that.
I’ve recently finished reading the Twilight Saga and no doubt this has sparked my interest (yet again) into changing my major. But I know with any great novel that it takes time and an extremely creative mind, but do I have that? Do I have the skill to entrance an individual to the point the just blow through my story because they can’t force themselves to stop? I don’t know. And I doubt professional author’s can even truly answer that question, even about themselves.
Basically I’m just another soon to be sophomore in college that is getting closer to her educational end but has no iea what road will actually lead her there.
