The sky was already pink with hues of orange and purple starting to flood thru the clouds and the air was starting to bite at my ankles. I finally got the text “Here.” as I was already sitting in the blue eclipse next to my best friend; she had picked me up because she knew I really didn’t want to drive way out to Desert Vista fields for a soccer game. We went and picked up another boy who is on our team. Finally at the field, everyone there had to start; meaning I was finally able to be on the field at the same time as my best friend. A friend whom I had not stepped on the field with in years, far too many years. Within the first 5 minutes Chui, Amanda’s boyfriend (she’s my best friend), set up the perfect cross where I fought against the keeper on the ground to force that ball into the net. I kick it towards the goal and him, but he deflects. As I feel the mud fill my spandex and shinguard I also feel the hand of the keeper wrap around the middle of my chest in order to keep me from getting a goal off his butter-fingers. But I pushed off his shoulder and the toe of my right foot barely tapped the ball the three feet into the net and I scored. Such an amazing feeling I must say; actually scoring a point. But alas, the keeper had his way: I was offsides. I had caught the first offsides and made sure to watch my footing, but the second offsides I didn’t even see coming when I felt the fire of that goal go from warm summer day to hot scorching flames on the inside of me. But let me tell you, the feeling of that ball going into the net and Chui running over after to ‘fist-bump’ was a feeling like no other I have felt in such a long time.
right then, that was the moment I fell back in love with soccer. Now my true love lies in soccer; not a male. However, I had lost my love for awhile; why you want to know? I let a coach I once had (plus a few bitchy girls) make me feel like I was not worth being on the field. Game after game and practice after practice my confidence would sink lower and lower; until finally, I lost the love for the sport. I was not having fun and I dreaded to the point of feeling sick when I would finally hear my name to step out onto that field. When a true athlete hears their name called, they are stoked and ready to show everyone there is no reason for them to be on the bench, but that was not me. My mind would flood with various plays that I would mess up and then the other team would score; or I would be afraid I’d let a girl pass me and not be able to catch up because I felt I had lost my speed. Not anymore. I found my passion, the fire, the confidence I had lost; which affected more of my life than just the time I spent kicking a black and white ball. I have the feeling of finding your dog since birth sitting at the park when you look for that one last time before the next set of storms set in. Or the feeling of finally fitting into the gown of your dreams for your day of pure bliss, the gown you have worked night and day to hug your gorgeous womanly curves. That is how I felt and more. I loved what had defined me for so many years again. I remembered what it was like to have fun; and to have fun with a best friend.
Basically what I am saying is if you answer yes to this question, or even think about answering yes before you say no, then take my word on this: Do not let some other person dictate what you love. Do not let yourself lose the confidence you cherished because you do not feel you deserve to step out onto a field, a stage, or anything. Do not put your head down when you don’t even know who you are anymore, pick your head back up. When you hear yourself screaming out, LISTEN. It is obviously screaming loud enough for you to not be able to ignore it anymore, maybe that is a sign. So what is the question?
Here it goes: Have you ever let any other person in the world impact your life in a way you did not want?
Please let the lesson that took me far too long to learn, assist you in where you want to go and with what you want to do.
