You be the judge; I already have.

Society brainwashes us from the time that we are born; girls in pink boys in blue.

Girls do not play rugged sports, boys do; girls clean, have kids, while men work. 

This is ridiculous. 

Look at how “mommies and daddies” teach their sons when they are little that girls go first; however, girls are never told that, so they grow up thinking that that is how everything should be. 

This all creates a surplus amount of problems. 

Like then the girls wait for the perfect gentlemen, and we all know he doesn’t genuinely exist, because no one is “perfect.” 

That makes girls who grow up wanting to open the door for someone else to be nice, question themselves and how they are seen; just adding on to the rest of the pressure they will feel through their adolescent years. 

And in all honesty the same goes for a man, if he wants to stay single, let him. 

Take for example the books children are read when little or the shows they watch. 

Every damn Disney fairytale story deals with the girl being so fragile and weak and the male must swoop in and save her; all but maybe Mulan, and the occasional random one.

So then, from the get go, girls are being pushed into one way of thinking; then it is harder for the girl to push through and be independent without every single fucking person in the world questioning why she won’t date, or why she doesn’t want a man. “Doesn’t she want to be happy when she gets older?” “Doesn’t she want children, a family?” Blah blah blah. Bullshit bullshit bullshit. 

Not only does this do that to the females but think of the boys; the ones who don’t want to be all macho and save the day, maybe they want to write or sing or act.

Maybe they want to be saved. 

But nay, men can’t do any of those things.

Heaven forbid them want to act on stage, wear makeup or sing to the wizard of oz; then at that same point at the age they hit when society is most critical, they are labeled gay or much worse. 

And it doesn’t end there. Oh no! It couldn’t end there!

So then the media knows it can play on the whims of these young adolescent minds (15-30).

With these movies and books and various stories about love and heroism that is put up

even when the person is finally okay with who they are something has to happen to knock them on their societal ass.

Like they go see a movie and think ‘Why the hell can’t I fall in love?’

Or why the hell is it because he has aids and is male and sings he’s automatically gay.

Why is it that because a black male is with a white girl it’s because of her daddy’s money, or vice versa for that matter.

All because by the time you’re old enough to realize what you’ve been brainwashed into, it’s far too late to undo the hardwiring that has already been done.

It’s just like you can’t teach an old dog a new trick; you can try and try and try, and yes the dog may learn the trick and go through the motions and seem like he’s got it down, but in that moment of vulnerability he will always revert to what he was taught first.

His instincts. 

 Take example of that to people who go feral. 

They revert to basically an animal; they know nothing of society or the bounds it has on any issue in the mind. 

They only know what they have taught them self, or what the land has taught them, or even if they have been following God or another religious figure; and still then it’s a touchy question.

People always revert to their natural born instinct; if you’re always taught blue is red and red is blue, then you hit kindergarten; are you going to believe your parents or the teacher, this person you just met?

You’ll go with your first instinct, what was first taught to you.

Hence fairytales fuck up kid’s lives; and everyone else’s.

The end.

Want to know what I think?

This is a list of things I’d like to tell people.  However, I do not feel like telling them these things.  Each number is for a different individual.

1. I wish we were still friends, but I am done with being the only one to try.
2. I really think this is for the best.
3. I knew you were lying straight through your teeth when you decided to tell me you’d be different.
4. One day you’ll realize I’ve always loved you.
5. You are truly the only person I can talk to ANYTHING about.
6. Even though you are a jerk sometimes, you are my best friend.
7. I wish I could visit you more.
8. Sadly, I still think about you more than I should.  But knowing how long it took you to get over me, drew me back in.
9. I wish we would have been closer before you left for school; I still wish we were close.
10. I’m oddly fascinated with you… And I wish I knew your name.
11. If I wasn’t a human being, I would take your dog to the pound so it didn’t keep me up at all hours.

Finding True Love

The sky was already pink with hues of orange and purple starting to flood thru the clouds and the air was starting to bite at my ankles.  I finally got the text “Here.” as I was already sitting in the blue eclipse next to my best friend; she had picked me up because she knew I really didn’t want to drive way out to Desert Vista fields for a soccer game.  We went and picked up another boy who is on our team.  Finally at the field, everyone there had to start; meaning I was finally able to be on the field at the same time as my best friend.  A friend whom I had not stepped on the field with in years, far too many years.  Within the first 5 minutes Chui, Amanda’s boyfriend (she’s my best friend), set up the perfect cross where I fought against the keeper on the ground to force that ball into the net.  I kick it towards the goal and him, but he deflects.  As I feel the mud fill my spandex and shinguard I also feel the hand of the keeper wrap around the middle of my chest in order to keep me from getting a goal off his butter-fingers.  But I pushed off his shoulder and the toe of my right foot barely tapped the ball the three feet into the net and I scored.  Such an amazing feeling I must say; actually scoring a point.  But alas, the keeper had his way: I was offsides.  I had caught the first offsides and made sure to watch my footing, but the second offsides I didn’t even see coming when I felt the fire of that goal go from warm summer day to hot scorching flames on the inside of me.   But let me tell you, the feeling of that ball going into the net and Chui running over after to ‘fist-bump’ was a feeling like no other I have felt in such a long time.

right then, that was the moment I fell back in love with soccer.  Now my true love lies in soccer; not a male.  However, I had lost my love for awhile; why you want to know?  I let a coach I once had (plus a few bitchy girls) make me feel like I was not worth being on the field.  Game after game and practice after practice my confidence would sink lower and lower; until finally, I lost the love for the sport.  I was not having fun and I dreaded to the point of feeling sick when I would finally hear my name to step out onto that field.  When a true athlete hears their name called, they are stoked and ready to show everyone there is no reason for them to be on the bench, but that was not me.  My mind would flood with various plays that I would mess up and then the other team would score; or I would be afraid I’d let a girl pass me and not be able to catch up because I felt I had lost my speed.  Not anymore.  I found my passion, the fire, the confidence I had lost; which affected more of my life than just the time I spent kicking a black and white ball.  I have the feeling of finding your dog since birth sitting at the park when you look for that one last time before the next set of storms set in.  Or the feeling of finally fitting into the gown of your dreams for your day of pure bliss, the gown you have worked night and day to hug your gorgeous womanly curves.  That is how I felt and more.  I loved what had defined me for so many years again.  I remembered what it was like to have fun; and to have fun with a best friend. 

Basically what I am saying is if you answer yes to this question, or even think about answering yes before you say no, then take my word on this: Do not let some other person dictate what you love.  Do not let yourself lose the confidence you cherished because you do not feel you deserve to step out onto a field, a stage, or anything.  Do not put your head down when you don’t even know who you are anymore, pick your head back up.  When you hear yourself screaming out, LISTEN.  It is obviously screaming loud enough for you to not be able to ignore it anymore, maybe that is a sign.  So what is the question?

Here it goes: Have you ever let any other person in the world impact your life in a way you did not want?

Please let the lesson that took me far too long to learn, assist you in where you want to go and with what you want to do.