Oh goodness. I think if people saw my thoughts they’d be a lot more worried than they currently are.

Why is that quote important? Because it was uttered/typed by a very close/best/dear friend of mine.  Why is she so amazing? Let me start from the beginning.

We first “met” at a soccer game in Jr. High school.  As my team was jostled around in our short bus; we chatted frivolously about how Amphi was the dirty team in the league and how we could easily beat them since we were undefeated.  You know how young kids think they can win all? We were no different.  As the game got on way it was easy to spot the two key players on the opposing team: a tall, big-boned girl with cornrows and a tall, quick blonde with a vicious game.  My good friend and I being on defense together, knew we could easily shut these two down.  As the blonde got a break-away down the path she was left by the big-boned girl busting through before her, it was up to my friend and I to stop her.  As she dodgingly made it closer and closer we went at her; she juked right by us both. Luckily, and surprisingly, she missed the net with her power shot.  A few plays later I remember being sandwiched by the two key players; not fun.  To be honest I do not remember whether we won or lost, but I can definitely tell you the impression the blonde left on me was not forgotten. 

Come freshman year of high school in Honors English class, sitting next to the same good friend from my soccer team (of course), we noticed a new blonde sitting a few seats away.  Of course we instantly started to whisper she looked extremely familiar and much like that “evil” girl from Amphi. Amongst my friends we exchanged ‘you ask!’ ‘No! you ask!!’ So I asked.  As obvious as it already was shaping up to be, it was the same blonde girl from the soccer team we played; now at FW. I continued to ask her a series of questions as if she were being prosecuted and eventually throughout the year we became friends. 

Sophomore year is where our close friendship truly started; we were both on varsity soccer.  Now I feel it necessary to say she was on varsity all 4 years, she is THAT good (she’s a D1 player now).  ANYWAY.  Waiting for practices to start, games to start as well as being in a few of the same classes, we slowly realized we were extremely relatable…

SO to make a story that could be longer, that I have already pointlessly drug out, shorter; I’ll skip some.  Basically this girl is without-a-doubt one of the most unselfish, strong-willed, passionate, understanding, opinionated, focused, pretty, inspiring, sarcastic and loving person I have ever met and I am beyond words to describe how ridiculously blessed I am to have her as a friend.  I know damn well how hard I’ve had to fight to try to stay barely acquaintances with “best friends” from high school who go to college in another city or state.  But with this friend, this mind-blowingly amazing human being, every time we talk it’s like we still see each other everyday.  Like we are sitting on the foam covering the bottom of the lightposts at the soccer fields before practice.  We talk like it doesn’t matter we haven’t seen each other in almost a year.  We talk like the perfect definition of how “best friends” should talk.  It is beyond the best synonym for amazing you could find.

Basically I feel like she sometimes doesn’t think she is all of those words that I perfectly described her with.  Now I know her and I know she’d try to counter-point my description by not forgetting to add words like cynical, over-powering, loud or some other lame words; but only people who are on-kilter see her that way.  People who aren’t able to understand basic logic or actually see a person for who they are and not their outside appearance; basically an individual who doesn’t judge. 

Now why she thinks “if people saw my thoughts they’d be a lot more worried than they currently are.” I know, for a fact, that if anyone who truly cared for her, would not be worried because they know who she is and they know what truly matters to her. 

Now tooting her horn for her and my horn for being her friend; basically my friend is ridiculously amazing and I wish you had the chance to meet her and be blessed enough to share her friendship as well; because anybody who has one friend like her, their whole life, will know they have one person who genuinely loves them and will be there for them no matter what and be understanding no matter what.  Everyone needs a friend like her.

I’ve come to realize…

I didn’t appreciate being able to bend my knee enough.

Majoring in psychology may be scarier than I originally thought.

I really do hate one thing in life: Math.

I wouldn’t mind doing a traveling food show like Anthony Bourdain.

I really miss a few of my friends; the ones I don’t talk to anymore. The ones I’m tired of being hurt by.

He is definitely going to age gorgeously.

My little-big brother is, and will always be, my best friend.

I wish I was really really good at Call of Duty.

I’m glad I wear my seatbelt.

Bad bruises turn nasty colors. REAL nasty colors.

I wish I was a little kid again.

I wish I could restart high school.

I missed out on a lot of memories with a certain best non-family friend by being dumb.

But I’ve come to realize I don’t think any stupid fights will keep us apart again.

I wish I could drive to El Paso in less than 30 minutes.

I think it’d be way bad a** to be a good boxer.

My brother’s dog has to be officially handicapped.

Finding True Love

The sky was already pink with hues of orange and purple starting to flood thru the clouds and the air was starting to bite at my ankles.  I finally got the text “Here.” as I was already sitting in the blue eclipse next to my best friend; she had picked me up because she knew I really didn’t want to drive way out to Desert Vista fields for a soccer game.  We went and picked up another boy who is on our team.  Finally at the field, everyone there had to start; meaning I was finally able to be on the field at the same time as my best friend.  A friend whom I had not stepped on the field with in years, far too many years.  Within the first 5 minutes Chui, Amanda’s boyfriend (she’s my best friend), set up the perfect cross where I fought against the keeper on the ground to force that ball into the net.  I kick it towards the goal and him, but he deflects.  As I feel the mud fill my spandex and shinguard I also feel the hand of the keeper wrap around the middle of my chest in order to keep me from getting a goal off his butter-fingers.  But I pushed off his shoulder and the toe of my right foot barely tapped the ball the three feet into the net and I scored.  Such an amazing feeling I must say; actually scoring a point.  But alas, the keeper had his way: I was offsides.  I had caught the first offsides and made sure to watch my footing, but the second offsides I didn’t even see coming when I felt the fire of that goal go from warm summer day to hot scorching flames on the inside of me.   But let me tell you, the feeling of that ball going into the net and Chui running over after to ‘fist-bump’ was a feeling like no other I have felt in such a long time.

right then, that was the moment I fell back in love with soccer.  Now my true love lies in soccer; not a male.  However, I had lost my love for awhile; why you want to know?  I let a coach I once had (plus a few bitchy girls) make me feel like I was not worth being on the field.  Game after game and practice after practice my confidence would sink lower and lower; until finally, I lost the love for the sport.  I was not having fun and I dreaded to the point of feeling sick when I would finally hear my name to step out onto that field.  When a true athlete hears their name called, they are stoked and ready to show everyone there is no reason for them to be on the bench, but that was not me.  My mind would flood with various plays that I would mess up and then the other team would score; or I would be afraid I’d let a girl pass me and not be able to catch up because I felt I had lost my speed.  Not anymore.  I found my passion, the fire, the confidence I had lost; which affected more of my life than just the time I spent kicking a black and white ball.  I have the feeling of finding your dog since birth sitting at the park when you look for that one last time before the next set of storms set in.  Or the feeling of finally fitting into the gown of your dreams for your day of pure bliss, the gown you have worked night and day to hug your gorgeous womanly curves.  That is how I felt and more.  I loved what had defined me for so many years again.  I remembered what it was like to have fun; and to have fun with a best friend. 

Basically what I am saying is if you answer yes to this question, or even think about answering yes before you say no, then take my word on this: Do not let some other person dictate what you love.  Do not let yourself lose the confidence you cherished because you do not feel you deserve to step out onto a field, a stage, or anything.  Do not put your head down when you don’t even know who you are anymore, pick your head back up.  When you hear yourself screaming out, LISTEN.  It is obviously screaming loud enough for you to not be able to ignore it anymore, maybe that is a sign.  So what is the question?

Here it goes: Have you ever let any other person in the world impact your life in a way you did not want?

Please let the lesson that took me far too long to learn, assist you in where you want to go and with what you want to do.