Define Different.

Is being different bad?  What amount of difference is necessary to become abnormal?  Who decides who or what really is different?  Why does different take on a bad connotation when used to describe a person or place?  Why is different so different?  I originally started looking up the definition of the word ‘difference’ rather than different; but after realizing every description of difference included a link to ‘different,’ I decided that’s the more dominant word; therefore the word with more intrigue. 

I looked up the definition in Merriam-Webster and asked some people I knew what the word ‘different’ meant specifically to them.  This is what I got…

1. Unlike the excepted and expected standard of society
2. Partly or totally unlike another
3. Not what you expect or consider common
4. A synonym for special; individual and not conformed
5. Not the same
6. Not alike; not similar to anything; unique
7. Varies from what an individual would consider the norm
8. Not like everything else; unique

Do you think you could pinpoint which came from a dictionary and which my 19/20-year old friends said?  Before asking my friends what their definition was, I expected to write a story going into great depth of why everyone wants to make that difference in their world, but then why at the same time when you explain some girl in your class is different its negative…  However, by asking my friends this question my mind is suddenly exploring a different route:  How well do you think you know the people who are closest to you? 

Have you ever been asked, usually in good humor, to answer a question the way you think your friend would?  Usually you take the easy path and make some joke about your friend being narcissistic, or you may be the lucky one whose friend has a catch-phrase so you get away with answering with that; but in all reality, do you think you could do your friend justice with your answer for them?  Let’s say you are in a new town and for one reason or another you are standing in front of everyone and they ask you one question about each of your closest friends.  With this answer you are about to produce, you have to define who your friend is; basically divulge their personality with one answer and do them all the justice they deserve.  Now these questions are not something simple like describe their personalities, what they like to do, or the like; but let’s say one of the questions is ‘Answer as if you were Cindy. You can only have one of the following two things: trust or love. Go.’  In that one answer you have to define who your friend is, what they would prefer and hope to God you’re right.  Would you be able to do your friend justice?  Would you be able to answer a question which held more depth than that?  Could you confidently even answer the simplest of question of whether your friend would choose to wear flip-flops or tennis shoes?  Think about the person who you think you know the best.  Can you name their favorite color? Favorite restaurant?  Favorite type of music genre?  Whether they like to read or not? Sure you can, but can you answer whether they believe in God?  Is there a specific story which made them a believer?  Can you answer if they would give their life for a loved one?  Can you tell a complete stranger the specific qualities that make your friend exactly who they are and exactly why they are this way? 

I can tell you one of the girl’s I feel I know the most about, gave me the most unexpected answer to my question.  Now while her answer was #3 and a good definition of the word different; I just expected more.  Is that bad of me?  I don’t think so.  I expected her answer to be more like #4 or maybe even #1; but I did not expect the answer she gave me.  Was it because her answer had a slightly negative connotation in the way I read it?  Am I just plain putting too much weight on the definition of this one word?  Probably, but I’m still having trouble putting into words what I’m feeling right now.  I am definitely far from thinking less of her because of her answer; she will always be that one person I know will let me cry to her, or yell to her, which-ever the situation requires. I think why this was so shocking is because I feel I can (or could) answer any question you shoot at me about her and give you an answer I really think she would be proud of.  However this answer she gave me made me think I don’t know quite as much about her as I thought.  But at the same time do I now not know anything about her?  Or is it possible she gave me the answer she thought I was looking for?  I wouldn’t put it past her to do anything to make me happy.  But regardless of the answers to those questions (no matter how helpful those answer would be) I’ve learned yet another vital piece of information about my friend I had no prior knowledge of before this question.

Take a look at definition #1.  “Unlike the excepted and expected standard of society.”  Now would I have given this answer for this friend?  Not quite to the perfection she gave it herself, but I feel I would have been ballpark to the same idea/ideal she feels with the word ‘different.’  There is not a negative connotation, to me at least, in this definition she has given.  This definition did not fall short of my expectations; I knew she would have a definition I would be proud to call my own even.  This young woman is one of the most accepting people I know; as well as have ever met.  Is she like this because she has certain personal experiences that have made her this way?  Was it the parenting she received as a child?  Possibly both; or neither.  To me, she shapes who she is for the betterment of the world around her and with this journey she’s taken so far, she has shaped into quite the woman.  Sadly for some reason, she has a “scandalous” reputation (or so she thinks); a “ditsy” personality.  But my favorite thing to tell people about her is she loves to read comic books and watch comic-book-based movies.  I can literally see a part of them stand beside themselves in shock when they hear this.  Why?  Because they have these conceived notions; whether they have experiences to back these notions up or not, they have them.  But it’s almost like when they hear this trivial piece of information, all of their other ideals about her slowly dissolve…  It’s hard for me to see such an utterly radiant human being feel like she isn’t ‘smart’ or ‘good enough’ for somebody because of what she has heard others say about her.  But to her, I tell her who are they to answer your questions for you?  Who are they to do you justice?

Maybe that’s the whole point of this semi-rantish piece:  Does the importance lie in whether you think can answer for your friend, or whether they feel you can properly answer for them?

I’ve come to realize…

I didn’t appreciate being able to bend my knee enough.

Majoring in psychology may be scarier than I originally thought.

I really do hate one thing in life: Math.

I wouldn’t mind doing a traveling food show like Anthony Bourdain.

I really miss a few of my friends; the ones I don’t talk to anymore. The ones I’m tired of being hurt by.

He is definitely going to age gorgeously.

My little-big brother is, and will always be, my best friend.

I wish I was really really good at Call of Duty.

I’m glad I wear my seatbelt.

Bad bruises turn nasty colors. REAL nasty colors.

I wish I was a little kid again.

I wish I could restart high school.

I missed out on a lot of memories with a certain best non-family friend by being dumb.

But I’ve come to realize I don’t think any stupid fights will keep us apart again.

I wish I could drive to El Paso in less than 30 minutes.

I think it’d be way bad a** to be a good boxer.

My brother’s dog has to be officially handicapped.

Finding True Love

The sky was already pink with hues of orange and purple starting to flood thru the clouds and the air was starting to bite at my ankles.  I finally got the text “Here.” as I was already sitting in the blue eclipse next to my best friend; she had picked me up because she knew I really didn’t want to drive way out to Desert Vista fields for a soccer game.  We went and picked up another boy who is on our team.  Finally at the field, everyone there had to start; meaning I was finally able to be on the field at the same time as my best friend.  A friend whom I had not stepped on the field with in years, far too many years.  Within the first 5 minutes Chui, Amanda’s boyfriend (she’s my best friend), set up the perfect cross where I fought against the keeper on the ground to force that ball into the net.  I kick it towards the goal and him, but he deflects.  As I feel the mud fill my spandex and shinguard I also feel the hand of the keeper wrap around the middle of my chest in order to keep me from getting a goal off his butter-fingers.  But I pushed off his shoulder and the toe of my right foot barely tapped the ball the three feet into the net and I scored.  Such an amazing feeling I must say; actually scoring a point.  But alas, the keeper had his way: I was offsides.  I had caught the first offsides and made sure to watch my footing, but the second offsides I didn’t even see coming when I felt the fire of that goal go from warm summer day to hot scorching flames on the inside of me.   But let me tell you, the feeling of that ball going into the net and Chui running over after to ‘fist-bump’ was a feeling like no other I have felt in such a long time.

right then, that was the moment I fell back in love with soccer.  Now my true love lies in soccer; not a male.  However, I had lost my love for awhile; why you want to know?  I let a coach I once had (plus a few bitchy girls) make me feel like I was not worth being on the field.  Game after game and practice after practice my confidence would sink lower and lower; until finally, I lost the love for the sport.  I was not having fun and I dreaded to the point of feeling sick when I would finally hear my name to step out onto that field.  When a true athlete hears their name called, they are stoked and ready to show everyone there is no reason for them to be on the bench, but that was not me.  My mind would flood with various plays that I would mess up and then the other team would score; or I would be afraid I’d let a girl pass me and not be able to catch up because I felt I had lost my speed.  Not anymore.  I found my passion, the fire, the confidence I had lost; which affected more of my life than just the time I spent kicking a black and white ball.  I have the feeling of finding your dog since birth sitting at the park when you look for that one last time before the next set of storms set in.  Or the feeling of finally fitting into the gown of your dreams for your day of pure bliss, the gown you have worked night and day to hug your gorgeous womanly curves.  That is how I felt and more.  I loved what had defined me for so many years again.  I remembered what it was like to have fun; and to have fun with a best friend. 

Basically what I am saying is if you answer yes to this question, or even think about answering yes before you say no, then take my word on this: Do not let some other person dictate what you love.  Do not let yourself lose the confidence you cherished because you do not feel you deserve to step out onto a field, a stage, or anything.  Do not put your head down when you don’t even know who you are anymore, pick your head back up.  When you hear yourself screaming out, LISTEN.  It is obviously screaming loud enough for you to not be able to ignore it anymore, maybe that is a sign.  So what is the question?

Here it goes: Have you ever let any other person in the world impact your life in a way you did not want?

Please let the lesson that took me far too long to learn, assist you in where you want to go and with what you want to do.